Last Night, I Gave Up, Again!

I can't do it anymore...

Photography by: Olushola Bashorun

 

I'm fed up and for a long time, I wasn't sure what I needed to do. How could I put myself in a situation like this? I should've learned from the times before. At my age, there's no excuse for me to continue to live my life in this way. The inconsistency, the way things change so quickly, and then I'm left confused in the end. 

When I started this blog, I knew I didn't just want to write a fashion blog and I didn't want to do product reviews. I wanted a space for me to share my thoughts around the shaping world and the things I've learned. I named this blog, Last Night I Gave Up (LNIGU), because of a difficult night I had at work once that resulted in me giving up and deciding that it was better to go with the flow of life than to fight every single second. I felt underpaid, undervalued, overworked, underemployed (under just about everything and over everything but paid).

Since moving to Doha, I realized I kind of let go of that flow. I've tried to control so many things since I've been here and it's been a constant fight. I had a realization, again, to give up a few things. 

What Am I Giving Up On?

Toxic Energy. The kind that seeps into every aspect of your life to the point where you are complaining about everything. In some cases, you don't even notice that it's affected you. You miss all of the side effects because you don't realize you've been infected by what can easily be considered a disease. The good thing is that we all have the cure. Our diet, as we know, is more than just what we eat. It's what we read, what we think, what we see, and who we are around. I was eating so much "junk food" and I didn't even notice the "added weight." 

Part-time Friendships. I wish all friendships would last forever, but the reality of life is that it is okay to start reading the next chapter of your without including people from the previous. There are a lot of part-time people who want full-time benefits.  "Nah"- Marquelle Parks. I would rather spend time alone than to be in friendships that don't bear fruit.

Ignoring Monica's Advice. I take a lot of things personal. I'm emotionally invested in everything I do. It's a part of the reason why it's difficult for me to have surface level friendships and to be a surface level person. Substance over everything is what I say; however, that also carries a heavy burden. Most of the time, it is not me, it is them. We shouldn't conflate our thinking to the intent or actions of other people. It's dangerous. 90% of the things we take personal are things we cannot control. 

Complaining. One time, a few years ago, I did a 30 Day No Complain Campaign. I was not allowed to complain at all for 30 days. If I found myself complaining, I had to immediately find a positive in that situation and start to think that (if it was a thought) or speak it out loud (if I was speaking it). I don't like to be around people who are constantly complaining yet become mute when it's time to find solutions. And since I can only offer what I at least expect then I'll focus on solutions within my control. 

Giving up isn't always a bad thing. It doesn't always mean that you lose. In some cases (maybe most cases), it means you win. It means you've put down something that kept you from moving forward. Liberation is a beautiful feeling.  As life is a journey and not a destination, I'm looking forward to enjoying the scenery along the way and giving up as much as possible, if needed!